Dear Mr Blackbeard
by NovaWarrior
Summary: A letter I wrote to Blackbeard for a contest. It's humor-ish... . This reflects my feelings about the man.


_M- Well, ^^ this is a little something I wrote for a contest on The Muse Bunny, we were supposed to write a letter to a character from any fandom we wished from ourselves and this is what I came up with. Personally, I enjoyed writing this and I hope you all enjoy reading it. _

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Dear Mr. Teach,

I would like to apologize in advance for taking time out of your day to read my letter. I know that there are probably other things you wish to be doing at the moment like: pillaging towns and terrifying its inhabitants, drinking, eating, fighting with opponents who are much better looking than yourself, causing havoc that will disrupt the everyday goings of the Marines and World Government, oh and defeating weaker opponents just to make yourself feel better. I know that your life as a pirate is very eventful and you don't have much spare time, but I hope you manage to get through this entire letter without being called away. As for why I'm writing, it's very simple, but before I get to that, I want you to do a few things.

First, I want you to find an island if you are not already on one. Preferably an island that not many people could venture too, maybe one that has a few man-eating beasts here and there? When you find an island like that, I want you to walk to the center of it and find a nice spot of soft ground.

Second, after you have found that, I want you to start digging on the aforementioned spot with a shovel. I would like you to dig a hole that's six feet wide, twelve feet long and seven feet deep. And make sure it's a nice hole too, picture-worthy even.

Finally, I would like you to take the shovel in both hands, and with one good crack, smack yourself upside the head with said shovel. If all goes according to plan, you will have knocked yourself unconscious and fallen into the hole you have just dug. I hope your newly dug grave is comfortable, because hopefully you'll be spending a very long time inside it.

If you haven't realized this by now, I'm wishing for your death, Mr. Teach. Honestly, I have to congratulate you for this achievement. There are not many people whom I grow to dislike this much. I'm normally not a very angry person, defiantly not violent in any way and most would say I'm quite a calm individual. But you, you have awoken an anger in me that I have never felt before. Never before have I ever envisioned death for a person more than you. The reasons I hated you before were few but great and now, the list for reasons I want you to fall off a cliff and into the ocean where you'll drown, just seems to keep growing.

It started when you killed Thatch for a fruit. Seriously? You had to kill the guy over a freaking fruit? Not only was he one of your comrades, he was a much better man than you could ever hope to be. So what if it gave you magical powers to control darkness? So what if it was finder's keeper's loser's weepers? You were a freaking pirate! Since when do pirates play by any kind of rules? Since when do you have to kill a guy to steal something from them?

As if things couldn't have gotten worse, you had to attack Shanks! Though, that action doesn't irk me as much as the others, I think the fact that you scared his face is reason enough to hate you and wish your death at the hands of a giant ripping you to shreds. You almost took his eye out! Sure, the three scars over his eye look pretty good on him and thankfully he can still see, but just imagine what he'd be like if you'd taken his eye. He'd only have one arm and one eye. I blame you, Teach, I really do. Just for the sole fact you could have blinded him.

Oh! How could I forget that whole stunt you pulled with Ace! That one pissed me off most of all! I bet you thought you were real tough when you beat him up, huh? Sure, I admit you had the advantage in power, mostly because you stole it from someone else, and you probably had more fighting experience than him, but still. Ace deserved better than being defeated by, in the famous words of Jewelry Bonney, "a bearded pig." I blame everything that happened to that poor kid on you. The fact that he died is entirely your fault and I hope some day Karma comes back and gets you for that. And I'll be waiting for that day, Mr. Teach, and trust me, it's not coming soon enough.

Of course, there was the whole Whitebeard thing too. I bet you felt real proud of yourself after you attacked a wounded old man, didn't you? There's not much I can say about this one other than, you're pathetic, Mr. Teach. When you die and get reincarnated, I hope you become a worm, a cowardly worm which gets used as fishing bait and then gets eaten by a fish. That makes absolutely no sense, but as long as you suffer misfortune after misfortune for the rest of eternity, I'll be happy.

Finally, recently you decided it would be fun to capture Ms. Bonney, yeah? You thought it would be nice to pick the only girl out of all the Supernovas and hold her hostage in exchange for a new ship? Not only that, you thought it'd be okay to ask her to become your woman? That's just disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. I feel sorry for any woman unlucky enough to become yours, no one deserves that. Unless she was an ogre, then I think the two of you would get along famously.

I bet you're wondering how I know all this, right? Well, Mr. Teach, let's just say I have my sources and leave it at that. I will be continuing to monitor you and I'll be waiting for the day of your demise.

Lastly, I have a few parting words for you. You are not going to become the Pirate King and you are not going to find One Piece. You know why? It's because Monkey D. Luffy is going to come and destroy you. He will be the one to find One Piece and become the Pirate King and he will rub it in your face when he does, though you will be dead at the point, but still. He'll find it because he's a much better pirate and person than you are or could ever hope to be.

You have no morals and your expiration date is drawing near. I just wish I could be there when you finally go.

Your number one hater and person who's wishing your death avidly,

Maddy


End file.
